Anchor for the Soul

Sometimes I begin to experience heartache as I think back on the past. I think this must be a common ailment as you get older. When you're young you don't realize that your life will not always be as it is then and the friends you know and the world you experience and interact with will not last. Knowing this when you are older helps you cherish what you have a bit more I suppose. Although, it can also cheapen what you have when you realize it will be gone before you know it anyway. I am thankful for my wife as I know she is committed to being a part of my world until I die. Although that is a comforting thought, even this is not as guaranteed as I would like. Time grips us all and twists and turns our worlds to ever changing and new environments. In some ways this can be exciting, but in some ways it can be very disconcerting. Relationships are important. They prevent loneliness and are comforting, but I believe they also fulfill a basic human need. I know I've heard that if a baby is left in a room alone for a long enough period without human attention it can die. I mean it can be fed and provided with everything it needs, besides human interaction, but that will not be enough. I suspect there is an intangible thing we describe as love that the child is missing in that environment. This intangible is more than a warm fuzzy, but a necessary component to nourish the human soul. I'm not really sure how hermits do it, but I can say for sure that I would be miserable as a hermit. Ironically though, sometimes I feel as though I am a hermit even in the midst of other people. I believe this is because there is no other human being that I can count on to always be there and always be with me providing me with companionship and love. Not even my wife can fill this bill. I remember a time when I was in college and I lived alone in an apartment. I went home for a summer break and had an incredible time hanging out with old friends and doing fun things with them. Then when I got back to my apartment the contrast of being social to living there alone in that apartment was intense. It took me a while to adjust, but then eventually I grew accustomed to the solitude and it became a lifestyle I was familiar with. In some ways it even became comfortable after a while, but not fulfilling. I'm convinced that good close relationships are a pre-requisite to having a fulfilled joyful life. I watched an episode of Lost on television once where the character named Desmond was mentally torn between two time periods. It was like he was constantly flipping back and forth between them and he eventually had trouble establishing what was real. The solution given to him was that he must find one individual who remained constant throughout both time periods and focus on that individual to serve as an anchor. He managed to reconnect with his past love and to stabilize mentally. I think there have been many points in my life where I have felt like Desmond in some ways. At times it seems as though my heart is torn between two or more time periods. I feel trapped longing for a past that is long gone and will never ever be my present reality again. This death of a sort is painful and I often find myself slipping into a state of grief over it. Realizing that my present reality is just as fleeting as my past one is depressing... But, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever." My faith as a Christian is that there is only one who can truly serve as my anchor in life and that is Jesus Christ. The love I desparately need and the relationship I so deeply crave will only ever be constant and intense enough to meet my needs from Him. As the reality of this truth really sinks in, my desire to know Him and spend time with Him increases exponentially. But, unfortunately there is an enemy who devotes all his efforts toward distracting me from this truth... he is known as the father of lies. There is a verse that says "taste and see that the Lord is good". It is amazing to me that even when I do finally taste and see... and remember that which I already knew... before, that my desire for that goodness only lasts as long as I presently feel that goodness. The moment I no longer feel it, but simply know of it, the desire begins to fade. The farther in time I move from the experience the more my desire fades for it. Ironically this reminds me of addictions. Although generally with them the reverse is true... to a point. But eventually when you get far enough away in time from an addiction even it fades. Oh that Christ would be my never fading addiction! But, this is not how He works. He does not force us to be drawn to Him, yet when we truly embrace Him we cannot help but be drawn to Him. For he is the deepest fulfillment for our souls that they could ever crave. He is the anchor that prevents us from sailing aimlessly adrift in the ocean of time that we experience during our lives. He alone can love me as I long to be loved and care for me as every human being needs to be cared for. I am very thankful for my God and his patience with me through the storms of life. He is continually trying to teach me to trust Him and long for Him even when I don't feel Him. In this world of feelings and instant gratification, it is difficult to discipline our souls to chase after our needs rather than what instantly gratifies. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world."