My Worth to God

I've often felt like I needed to accomplish something to be pleasing to God or at least have some past accomplishments under my belt. I've thought about things like... how many people have I evangelized, how many mission trips have I gone on, how often have I shared the gospel or treated the poor with love. Then I would proceed to judge myself based on those kinds of things. It reminds me of the story of Saul and David a little. Everyone thought Saul was obviously the kingly type and David was the most absurd choice for a king ever. But God thought differently, because God didn't look at men like other men did. God looked on the heart. In a moment of self judgment this morning, I started to consider what makes anyone of worth to God? Then I asked, what makes someone of worth to me? What makes my wife or my dog or my coming child of worth to me? Is it what people do for me that makes me love them? Well, to some degree I'd be lying if I said what people do for me doesn't please me... but when all is said and done it isn't their services that I treasure the most... it's them. Take my dog for example. He does nothing! He's really, absolutely useless as far as work goes. On a work day (when we are doing work around the house) sometimes I'll hear Lisa say, "too bad Jasper can't do anything". Sometimes I'll jokingly say something like, "Jasper, go get the address book for Lisa out of the office and bring it here... fetch!" When I say his name, his eyes brighten with attention and he looks at me ready and attentive. Then as my sentence grows more complicated his eyes just sort of glaze over and his head drops into a blank stare while he pants. I don't love Jasper because of his usefulness. This much is clear. In fact, mostly all he has are needs that I have to fulfill. But, I suspect it isn't really much different than this between me and God. One thing I love about Jasper's personality is that he loves unconditionally. He holds no grudges. The concept is totally foreign to him. I can chastise him angrily for something he didn't do that I wanted him to and even though he may cower when I am irate, the instant I am quiet again he is ready to come back over and lick me. He is the most loving animal I've known. In a way this is his heart. It defines him to me. Now honestly, if Jasper got rabies and turned mean I would be heart broken, but I think I would still love him. This is primarily because of the relationship I've already had with him in the past. Similarly, I can draw conclusions about worth from my relationship with my wife. I can see that my wife is of utmost importance to me not primarily because of what she does, though she does a great deal for me, but because of who she is... she is mine, and I am hers. We are one, joined by a vow and sealed with a bond of love until death do us part. She may make me angry at times or disappoint me and vice versa, but ultimately we love one another. Really, only by God's grace are we able to have this kind of unconditional lovingness. Because unconditional lovingness is who God is. It's what he is about. It doesn't mean he doesn't care what we do on the contrary he cares immensely! But, it does mean my worth to him is not defined by my ability to perform. After thinking and praying about this I looked over at a Bible this morning and had a longing feeling to open it and read the Words of life there. The Bible came open to Matthew 9:9 and I read through to verse 13. It's a section of scripture entitled, "The calling of Matthew".

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

I thanked the Lord for speaking to my heart on this issue. In faith I accepted this as a direct word from him to me on this. I realized again that God loves me very much and is continually with me listening to my rambling and sometimes wayward thoughts. He's ready and willing to give me an answer or reply if I'll only ask and genuinely look and listen for it.